Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Which One Would YOU Call The Waiter?

Hello Everyone! (Or no one)


So today's post is going to be a rather short one, as I'll only be sharing two entries. The reason for this is that in the following post I make, I'll have plenty to share regarding one particular theme, and in order to establish consistency in an otherwise chaotic world, I am reduced to making this post brief. I hope this doesn't cause you too much stress.


Today's first entry is actually something I didn't even write myself -- it's a poem that I had to present to my third grade class, and I remember how deeply I fell in love with it; enough so that I felt the need to share it with my very own diary to keep with me for the remainder of days. I also distinctly remember asking my teacher if I could change a few words from the poem to suit my liking, and I expected her to reply with, "Yes, sure, of course, Evan. You can change some of the words of this poem." Can you guess if she let me or not? She didn't. I was shocked. But needless to say, I still loved this poem, and I imagine you will too. In fact, you'll probably be obsessed with it. Enjoy :-)


6/17/94
Dear Journal,
Dining with his older Daughter Dad forgot to order water Daughter quickly called the waiter, waiter said He’d being it later. So she waited did the Daughter till the waiter brought the water, when he poured it for her later, which one would you call the waiter?

The Daughter! the end!

6/19/94
Dear Journal,
Hi, its me again Evan. Well to days the Day it’s fathers day! Where my grandparents and cousins our coming over. Echhhh! Somtimes I like when their here, and sometimes I don’t! And this time I don’t really want them over but they have too. the end! Bye!

Well, what did I say?! Obsessed?? I thought so. And naturally I felt the need to answer the question posed at the end of the poem, just in case my readers (aka myself) weren't sure. Makes sense, right?

And there's not much I need to say with regards to that second entry -- so far, have I ever liked when my cousins came over? Apparently not. Sadness. 

So as I said before, my next post (lord knows when that'll be) will present a very particular time in my life, one that continued its appearance for several summers to come. This first occasion, however, was the most notable, and you'll see why once I've shared that on here. So until I see you next time, take care!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

It Sucks To Be Me

I'm back!

I have a feeling that is going to be a constant theme for the remainder of my blog days: Making a post, and then not returning for at least a week or so to make another one, and following that up with some comment related to how inconsistently I post entries on here. Oh well. I support copouts when they're addressed :-)

Moving on -- today's theme includes the world of sucking. Hating your life. AKA, being a stupid 9 year old who complains about his family. And I had it TOUGH, let me tell ya. Except I didn't -- not at all. For the many times I would complain about hating my parents and/or siblings, it didn't quite cross my mind to be grateful for the people in my life that helped shape the bizarre person I now am. But for the sake of childhood, let's remember that everything is relative, and when life hands you lemons, you squeeze those lemons until they squish so hard and dirty up your hands to the point where you just HAVE to wash them. You know what I mean, right?

On another note, I have to bring up yet another important element of my childhood: my stomach. It sucked. I used to throw up constantly as a kid, for no reason other than, well, my stomach sucked. They thought I had Crones. So then how did they find out whether or not I actually did? I'll let you figure that out for yourself. And if you can't, then by all means, read below and you'll learn. Reader discretion is advised, as I describe my procedure as if I'm Doug Funnie (Oh right, I used to think I was him. Don't get me started on that. Though ironically, I'm pretty sure that's why I started writing in journals to begin with). Let me try to remain on track here: just read below, and everything will be explained. Well, to the best of my 9 year old ability at least.

Lastly, I hope that you're ready to take the Evan test...

Enjoy!


4/13/94
Dear Diary,
My life sucks! It may not to you, but it does to me. do you think that my life sucks? Yes or no? If you don’t, then I don’t believe you. If you do think my life sucks, then good for you. But I do hope that ya think my life sucks! Thank you for taking the Evan test, you passed! Now for our next questoin, Just kidding!! The end!

4/14/94
Dear Diary,
Again, I am not feeling that good right now because I had to say hi to my other coesins, but I didn’t want to., so my dad yelled at me, so I went to my room! That’s all folks! See you next time!

4/17/94
Dear Diary,
Again, I am feeling extremely bad right now!!!! I really do hate my family except for a few people in it! I really would like a new family! Besides the one I have right now! I would have any family except for the one I have right now! For sure! Mean family! Yes! The end! And thank you! The end!

6/15/94
Dear Diary,
Did you ever have that feeling were you had to do a test in the hospital? Well I did. It all began when I was just about 2 years old. I was always complaining about my stomach allways hurting. This thing has bin going on since I was 2 to 9 ½ years old. I was complaining about me throwing up about 1ce or 2wice a week somtimes. So 2 days ago it all began. The hospital made me dring a whole gallon of some very, very grose stuff. Although the next morning I throgh it up, I still had to go to the hospital to do a test. During the test they put me to sleep, and put this weird thing in my mouth. It went all the way down to my throught. The next thing that they did was to me what put this thing in my butt and pushed it all the way up to my stomach. I am just so happy that this test is over with! Bye!


It's hard to know where to begin. The Evan test? Really? Who was I fooling? Do normal 9 year olds really think like this? Lord I hope not.

And let me clarify one thing -- the procedure, known by most as a Colonoscopy, was something I had NO idea of what I was getting in to. Could you imagine, as a 9 year old, having just cleared out your entire system, dry heaving on the ride to the hospital, and then being half put to sleep to have certain things inserted into your body while you can STILL FEEL THEM?! It's been 17 years since I had this done, and I can STILL remember being on the operating table and having this done to me. Why oh why did they say to me right beforehand, "And if you feel any pain or discomfort, just let us know." Because I DID tell them that during the procedure, but did anything change? I think not. UGH was it mortifying.

Fortunately, though, I survived, Crones-free. I just had a sensitive stomach, which would remain the case for as long as I would upset it, which, sad to say, I do too much. This certainly explains the fact that I can hardly ever drink alcohol, otherwise mr. stomach will act up. As I said before, I lead a tough life.

:-) Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Bat Mitzvah Video Time

As I promised earlier, I am now including the infamous video that helped define my childhood in all its glory. I'm posting it now seeing as it happens to coincide with the "gay gay singadoodle day" entry, so this would probably be the most appropriate time to showcase this. I don't think it requires much of an introduction. Just bear in mind I'm at my sister's Bat Mitzvah being interviewed by our videographer. Enjoy...


video

Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Concerns? I have a bunch myself.

Also -- should you want, you can watch the video on Youtube here.

Evan out.

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Singadoodle Day

Hello People,

Once again, I feel the need to apologize if you've been following this, and see that I've not been posting as frequently as I intended to. But as I said before, I have no intention of disappearing anytime soon, so please don't fret. Please. Don't fret. Thanks.

Moving on -- I'm happy to now report my second round of airplane entries. This time we find ourselves in Aspen, Colorado, a place I frequently traveled to with my family. Skiing had always played a large role in my life, and fortunately continues to. The unfortunate part being, of course, the fact that as a child, I DESPISED skiing. Do you wanna know why? It's a simple reason: Ski school. I may not admit to that directly here, but believe me, it's the reason why. So you can keep that in mind as you read the next series of entries. As usual, enjoy.

P.S. I think I enjoyed makin' webs.


3/18/94
Dear Diary,
Since I love makin’ webs, I am going to make one right……………now, about…………Vacations! right now I am going to make one on the next next page.




3/24/94
Dear Diary,
This plane right has not came off as a start good yet. But I hope that it will be soon. I know seven family’s that are go into Aspen, Snowmass. I have a felling that the plane is going to take off in a few, or in 5 minutes. I really didn’t want to go on this trip, but I have to, so I will. I don’t want to go because I don’t like skiing. The airplane is 3 hours and 12 minutes. But, I still can’t wait till we land. And I do hope that I have a good time on my vacation. I am going to draw an airplane now!

Actually I am landing in 15 minutes or so because we took of almost 3 (three) hours ago. I love myself.

3/28/94
Dear Diary,
Today is Monday, I will even proof that I hate skiing. I did not go skiing today. I don’t want to go any other day, but I half to, so I will. The end!

4/8/94
Dear Diary,
I am not felling that well right now because I have to say Hi to my cousins, but I don’t want too. the end!

4/9/94
Today is the day I go to play with my gay, gay, singadoodle day! 


WTF IS A GAY GAY SINGADOODLE DAY?!?!?! Ok, this is one of the first times I'm looking back at something I wrote as a nine year old and I freaking don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Needless to say, there are several more occasions in which I'd written something that has no reference or meaning to anything. But the mind is a complex thing, especially a child's, so let's not pretend we all didn't do or say odd or bizarre things at times. Or in my case, write them down. Either way, I'm getting a pretty good glimpse into the origins of the odd and often times confusing things that would cross my mind, and still sometimes do. It's comforting to know that weirdness is embedded into our personalities from the beginning, and we can therefore embrace our own unique ways based on the way we were born. Thanks, Gaga, for releasing that song just in time. It helps.


Take care all!